Avoidance of any concept past today,
As today’s burdens are intoxicating enough to process.
No matter what I finish,
There will always be something left undone,
Some reason I am not perfect.
Some reason why I cannot live fully yet,
And by live fully I mean breathe without holding my breath
For what is coming.
It is not a good feeling,
To keep sustaining it for years.
I keep thinking, one more year, and I will know.
I will be safe from the uncertainty that haunts me.
And every year,
Things so change,
That I step further from the coast into the ocean.
I am reaching out for something to hold on to
As the map in the corner,
The once prized symbol of hope,
Makes drops in my eyes.
I am once again alone,
Walking away with seemingly nothing,
Hoping the rest of the world,
Those people I don’t know,
Won’t crush me and send me running home,
Where I’m not meant to be.
But how I want a home so badly.
Anything to end the pain of always going on and never stopping.
But I know I wasn’t meant to have such comfort.
Being ordinary never was my own.